I'm lonely.

I wish I could have a girlfriend. I wish I knew what to do to impress girls. I have nothing going for me.

I need serious help.

Today, I found a web site that flips a coin for you...I need serious help to get over my problems. I need to be secure in myself so I can make my own decisions without relaying on others. Especially, a coin. I don't want to go crazy with worry any more. I don't want to tear myself apart anymore. I want to live free from my problems.

Money

I'm worried about my tax return. I hope I get it soon. I want to help me family with it. I also want to buy some new cloths. Some new shirts, pants, and maybe a belt. I'd like that a lot. I'll also buy some movies for my parents. My mom like old Disney movies and my dad likes action movies. I might also buy some movies for myself. Most of all, I'd like to save some money for a rainy day. Living from paycheck to paycheck i hard, but we get by. Hopefully soon, Dad'll be back at work. His foot's feeling better and he's starting physical therapy soon. Our money problems will be kinda fixed soon. It'll take time, but we'll be okay.

My Life and my worries.

It's times like this I wish I had one of those speak and type little doodads. I have a lot to say and I...Well, never mind, I'll just type.

I'm worried about my family. I don't know how to help them. I don't even know if I should I've never been one to think of myself. I always think of others. Is that what makes me so critical of myself? Do I view myself as some kind of servant? And when I screw up, I punish myself by killing myself with grief and pain? I wish I knew. I just want to help my family. I just want to live comfortably. I don't want a lot of fancy things, just enough to live. Should I just throw my hands up and say, "It's not my problem."? What kind of man would that make me? I want to be a good man. Am I a good man at all? Do I give of myself only because I wish to please others?

Worthyness

I've long had problems with m own self worth. I hate the highs and lows I have. I know I'm not bipolar. If I was, I would get depressed for no reason. I get depressed because some thing tiny goes wrong. I hate it! HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE IT! I rip myself to shreds emotionally for no reason!
Over the tiniest of things! I wish I could stop doing it to myself. I wish I could just look at something and say, "It doesn't matter. It's not my fault. And if it is, then fine. I'll deal with it." But I can't do that. WHY?! What is stopping me from just moving on? Why do I continually torture myself like this!?!?! All I've ever wanted is to make people happy. So, why do I get so upset when they're not? It's not my job to make everyone happy. It's not my job to keep everything okay. So, why do I do punish myself when something like this happens? I want to yell and scream and beat on something, but I can't. I know it won't fix anything.