Nervous.

I'm very nervous. Tonight, I'm going to be doing my stand-up again. I don't think I'm ready to go with this new stuff. I wonder if I should stay with my old material. I'm going to do my best anyway.

The Coming Storm.

These days are filled with fear for the End of the World. I'm not too worried about it. I've come to terms with my death long ago. Be it from a heart attack, stroke, or Apocalypse, I'm fine. What I'm scared of is the coming freaks and worry warts out of this year. This is the big one. I know the shits gonna hit the fan and everyone will be scared for a while. Hopefully, after the year is over things will calm down.

My Comedy.

I've been going to a restaurant called Starvin' Marvin's for a few weeks now, trying to do my stand up at their open mic. After the first few tries, I found I was really well received. They loved my act! I couldn't believe it. It made me feel amazing. I could actually say I've done something good. I can make people laugh. I haven't had one of my crashes since that realization. I hope to bring out more talent soon. I wonder when I become a struggling comedian?

Dinning Tonight.

Tonight I ate at a very fine restaurant called Jo Jo's China Bistro. My best friend, Glenn, paid for me. I'm paying him back with dinner tomorrow night.

Anyway, he had the Mongolian Beef. He told me it was very spicy. Almost too spicy to eat. I myself tried a bit. The beef was spicy, but nothing compared to the Cayenne pepper mixed into it. After I accidentally bit into one, I managed to bluff my way out of being teased by him.

I had the Black Pepper Beef. I love spicy food and when I ordered this I was hopping it would be spicy. I was honestly disappointed. The meal was bland. Not spicy, not even tangy. I was upset, but I didn't complain. I've learned not to complain about mt meals to my friend. He has a strict rule about returning meals at restaurants. "Don't do it. If you don't like how it's cooked, better luck next time." He made that rule after a bad night at a Jack in the Box. But that's a story for another day.

Well, dinner aside, my night was very good.

Questions for the World: Qu. 01

Does anyone else have trouble remembering things from childhood? I can remember bits and pieces, but not everything. I can remember movies very well, but not things from my childhood. Do some people have a selective memory? Like their brain only remember certain thing subconsciously? Hmm...or does only certain thing stick into peoples memory?

Comment please.

My Deep Thoughts on: Death.

He's my first article of "Deep Thoughts." Today's topic is one that I've faced and wish to share my views on. 

Death. 

Yup, the Great Equalizer. The Big Sleep. To find oneself without breath. 

As hard as it seems I've honestly do not fear death. I've spent too much of my life doing so. Much of my youth was spent fretting and worrying about the last hours of my life and what they will be. The story begins when I was a young boy of about 7. 

I can remember having my fear since then. It was around that time, I first saw the 1973 movie, "Charlotte's Web." Here's a trailer. 

 I'm sure some of us has seen it. It's a good adaptation of the book with fine animation and voice work. Now, to the point. 

There is a scene in this movie where Wilbur first finds out about his coming death. He runs into the barn and cries out how he wants to live. Now, for a seven-year-old, this scene was very traumatic for me and instilled my fear of death. Since that time, I did very little.  The fear of death pushed itself into every aspect of my life for years to come. For a time, I was afraid to brush my teeth because I learned that the fluoride in it is toxic.

I didn't socialize with anyone for fear they would hurt me. I still haven't learned to drive. The list goes on.

Then, when I was in high school, I realized how I had been living. I realized I wasn't living at all. My fear of death was keeping me from enjoying being alive. My realization came from acting. I signed up for theater. The teacher was a nice woman whom tried to teach us how to let go when we where on stage. After a few lessons, she told me my great gift was my ability to make people laugh. And when I made people laugh, I felt alive. I felt, as best as I can call it, awake. I finally found the world around me. I was freed from my fear. 

Finally, I was able to look past death and see what it was. Inevitable. For years, my parents told me that death happens to every one and nothing can change it. But for some reason, standing on a stage and making people laugh, singing, or even dancing(or trying to), it finally sunk in that there was nothing to worry about. I felt better. In the years since then, I've tried my hand at acting in plays and doing stand up at open mikes. 

Being freed from my fear, I began researching old and new methods of acting, old actors, and vaudeville. But that's a discussion for later. Anyway, my research has shown me how many great actors have lived and died. Many actors originated from chaotic youths, leading into their work. Some say great comedy come from great tragedy. I'm not sure if it's true, but here's an interesting thing I've found out recently. Just yesterday, I research a great named Jim Henson, the creator of the Muppets. His young life, he traveled the world and studied the different types and methods of puppetry. I'm sure I don't need to tell you about his work and what he did for the world. Here's where I really admire Mr. Henson. 

Jim Henson died on May 16, 1990 at age 53 of  organ failure caused by an infection of Streptococcus pyogenes. His illness began on the 4th of the month when Jim began experiencing flu-like symptoms. For the next 10 days, Jim continued to work. He saw a doctor who couldn't find any symptoms of pneumonia. He suggested to Jim to take aspirin to help him. Then on the 15th, Jim's wife came to visit him and they talked for the better part of the evening. Here's the part that amazes me. At 2 AM, Jim began having trouble breathing and began coughing up blood. He suggested to his wife that he was dying. He said he didn't want to go to the hospital. 

Amazing. He didn't want to take the steps to save his life. Imagine being that brave. But was it bravery or was it he was content with dying because he lived such a full life? I don't know. I just want to be a man like that. A man who one day will know he's dying and aspect it. To go forward as though he was walking through a doorway. I admire and wish to be like Jim Henson. 

I hope you enjoyed my rambling and take something from them. Comment if you wish. 

This is the very first blog I've ever written. I'm kinda nervous. Anyway, I'll be posting more material latter tonight.